I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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