Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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