That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
