when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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