btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
FUCK WHALES
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