But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
