So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize