Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this just has baby written all over it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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