Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
