Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
