Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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