Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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