I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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