Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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