Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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