I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
