ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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