She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
