Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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