Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
