Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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