She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
