some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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