People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
