Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
