And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
