It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
