So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
