there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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