I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
