my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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