Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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