Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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