Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
