We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
