Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
