That's when you crack a 10am beer
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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