Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
