Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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