I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
