Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
