hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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