Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ok first of all what the fuck
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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