I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
