If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
