theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
