was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
