i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
