someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
