Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
